Past Regrets
by zeusfluff
Summary: An incident from Commander Riker's past comes back to haunt him, will it consume him? Or can Counselor Troi help him? Slightly AU.
1. Past Regrets

**Past Regrets**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. I just play with them. I do own one original character though. Date Started: 11/5/13. Date Finished: 11/6/13. Summary: An incident from Commander Riker's past comes back to haunt him, will it consume him? Or can Counselor Troi help him? A/N: Set from Riker's POV. Other chapters will switch back and forth between him and Troi.

* * *

August 16th, 2372

"Number one, do you think it would be wise to send a science team down to the planet?"

I blinked and looked around. I found several faces staring at me with concern.

"I'm sorry captain, could you repeat the question?"

Sighing, he straightened out his uniform and looked me in the eye.

"Do you think we should send down a science team to the planet to gather plant-life for medical research?"

I nodded my head yes and responded.

"Of course. Breathable oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere and no immediate dangers to speak of."

Captain Picard eyed me and nodded.

"Number one, may I see you in my ready room?"

Getting up from my chair, I followed the captain into his ready-room.

"Have a seat Will. You seem distracted this morning. Is everything alright?"

I wasn't comfortable sharing the reason why I wasn't sleeping. Putting on a smile I shook my head.

"I'm sorry captain. I haven't been getting the best night's sleep the last few days. But I assure you, it in no way inhibits my ability to perform my duties."

The day was long, and I felt like snapping at every single person because of lack of sleep. By the time my shift was over I was ready for a drink. Sitting down at the bar, I rubbed a hand over my tired face. Deanna sat down next to me and smiled.

"I don't know about you but I need some chocolate cake. Sarah Jensen is the first child I've seen in a while who's afraid of water. You've been on edge the last couple of days. Something on your mind you want to talk about?"

I shook my head no and downed another shot of tequila. Not as good as the real stuff, but it was something at least.

"It happened a long time ago Deanna."

She smiled and put a hand on mine.

"I keep seeing flashes of a brown haired green eyed baby. Happy little thing."

I downed another shot and rubbed my face again.

"She's the only child that haunts me, even in my sleep."

Deanna kept her hand on mine and gave me a sympathetic look.

"Why don't you come and see me tomorrow Will. We can talk about it. It's something you need to get off your chest. I'm here to listen."

I sighed. Maybe it would put that past regret to rest.

"I suppose your right. Well, I think I'll turn in for the night. Good night Deanna."

I turned back and stopped when she tugged on my arm.

"Don't you at least want to try this piece of chocolate cake? I promise there is no fudge in this."

I put a hand up and shook my head.

"No thanks. Chocolate gives me nightmares."

Deanna shrugged her shoulders and took another bite of her chocolate cake.

"Suit yourself Will. Goodnight."

Leaving ten forward I made my way towards the turbolift and pressed the button to open the doors. Stepping inside, I gave it an order.

"Deck 8."

Stifling a yawn, I rubbed my face again. I was trying to block out a baby's crying that was on a repeat loop in my mind.

"Go away."

Stepping into my quarters I sighed, the only thing that was going to let me sleep was warm milk.

"Computer, warm milk please."

The replicator materialized a glass of warm milk and I downed it in less than a minute. Getting undressed and into my pajamas I climbed under the covers and let my eyes drift closed. The next time I woke, I was covered in sweat. Swallowing, I chugged a glass of water that was on the bed side table.

"It's my fault I couldn't save you."

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what do you guys think so far? Should I continue? No worries, I'm working on my other fanfic Two Centuries Old Crisis. Expect an update on that today and throughout the rest of the week. Until next!


	2. Revisiting A Painful Past Regret

**Chapter 2: Revisiting a Painful Past Regret**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own something that comes up in this chapter. Date Started: 11/6/13. Date Finished: 11/7/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

"Before we begin Will, I'd like to start out with some relaxation exercises. Now, clear your mind and take a deep breath."

Closing my eyes, I let my mind go blank. Listening to Deanna's voice was like a lullaby I'd forgotten about.

"So, what do we do now?"

Deanna's voice drifted into my mind and I felt sleepy.

"If you're comfortable, I would like you to reach into that memory that's bothering you. Let's go back 10.5 years. What do you see?"

I sighed. I didn't like this, but I had to get rid of it. My eyes still closed I described to Deanna what I saw.

"I'm talking to a doctor. He's telling me that I have to perform some procedure. Wait, he's telling me to… Deliver a baby…"

I waited for Deanna's voice. It was several milliseconds before I heard her response, a somewhat surprised one.

"A baby?"

I nodded my head yes and continued on with my memory.

"Yes, I was an intern at Starfleet Medical for about a year and a half. It wasn't until after that I was on the path to a command position. It was a difficult delivery, from what I remember. Doctor Sartos, that was the doctor's name, he was there to supervise me. Wait, I'm in a room…"

In my mind's eye, I looked around the blank room.

"What do you see Will?"

I looked around some more and found a woman sitting in a chair.

"There's a woman, I see her face now. Jessica Jorgenson. She had the most beautiful green eyes and was part of the ancient Native American tribe called the… The Choctaw. Wait I'm getting something… No. No. It's ok. I won't let anything happen to your baby. I promise. No she won't fall. I'll catch her. Here's something for the pain. There we go. Contraction? The pressure will increase if you go against it. Breathe through it. That's it. No not yet. Two more centimeters to go. Just lean back and relax. Ok? Just let everything happen. Your body knows what to do. If you need more help, let me know."

Deanna's voice drifted through my mind once again. It sounded like it was coming from the ceiling.

"I won't push you, if you're not ready to face the rest of this Will. Just let me know."

I swallowed and looked around the room. My attention turned back to Jessica.

"No I'm ok. Let's keep going a little longer. Jessica's telling me something… It's alright. I'm here to help you. Tell me, what's wrong? Ok, we'll get her out. Are you ready? I know you're scared, it's ok. Your daughter is going to be just fine. If you're ready, I want you to push. That's it. Ok, one more. One more. Doctor Sartos, what do you mean? Great. Breech is just what we need. Jessica, take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. We're going to turn your daughter so that she's face down. There we go. Give me another push, easy this time. Easy. There you go. One more. One more. That's it. I've got her. Good and strong healthy cry. We'll have to keep her here a few days… There may be something wrong with her heart…"

I shook my head and waited for Deanna's voice.

"Go on Will. What happened next?"

Shaking my head no I now looked around the empty room.

"No I'm done."

I slowly opened my eyes only to find a few meters from me was the heated and open incubator that Megan had been lying in. I shook my head no.

"You're not real. I'm sorry I couldn't save you…"

I felt Deanna's hands on my shoulders.

"Will who are you talking to?"

I rubbed my face once again and then looked up to find that the heated incubator with Megan in it was gone.

"I saw her, I saw Megan. She keeps showing up in different places. Last night I kept hearing her crying, even in my sleep. I'm late for my duty shift. Thank-you for listening Deanna."

She nodded her head and squeezed my hand and gave a small smile.

"I'd like to try something new next week. We are going to recreate your memory on the holodeck. I think you'll do better with a visualization of the memory. Most of my patients do, and get over their trauma quickly."

I sighed. I could never say no to Deanna. Getting up, I smiled, but I knew it didn't reach my eyes. This was going to be a long process.

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Let me know! Thanks! This idea came from a dream I had the other night. Until next!


	3. Slippery Slope

**Chapter 3: Slippery Slope**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 11/8/13. Date Finished: 11/10/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

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August 18th, 2370

"Computer, activate program Riker 8054."

I waited for the holodeck to initiate the program. Once initiated, Deanna and I walked onto the holodeck. The computer's voice rang overhead as we sat down in a couple of chairs off to the side of the room.

"Program initiated."

I watched the image of myself sitting in a room with Megan safely tucked away in my arms. I looked Deanna in the eye.

"Doctor Sartos put me in charge of caring for Megan in the Pediatric ICU. Her mother came when she could."

A small smile spread across my face and I listened to myself talking to Megan.

"Look at those ten little fingers and those ten little toes. I know. You like to be wrapped up like a mummy. There we go, nice and snug. No matter how many times I wrap you back up, you worm your way out again. Ok, lunch time. Let's see how much milk mommy left for you."

Megan was so tiny. I'd forgotten about the bond I'd made with her. I saw her tiny mouth latch onto the bottle and suckle on it.

"There we go, you are hungry this afternoon aren't you?"

It made me happy to see Megan again, but I knew that by the end of the reconstructed memory, she would be gone. Just like before. I watched as her mouth let go of the bottle and she started to cry. I sighed.

"I know, something's hurts doesn't it? Its ok, I've got just the thing to make you feel better. There. It's ok. Oh, you have some gas in that little tummy. Come here."

Deanna looked at me and clasped my hand.

"What was wrong with her?"

I looked her in the eye.

"She had an enlarged heart. I couldn't do anything but make her comfortable. Almost eleven years ago, there wasn't any heart or valve replacements for infants or children. Today it would be relatively easy."

I realized I was always calm around Megan. After all I'd taken care of her night and day. I turned back to the image of myself and Megan.

"There's a big one. Go to sleep."

Deanna looked at me and smiled.

"You were really good with her. You'd make a great father someday."

I nodded and continued to watch myself with Megan. I had to be open and objective about this. I smiled, I was giving her a bath.

"There we go, let's get all the soap off you. You like the water. You are splashing me with your foot! You are a silly little girl. Ok, that's enough playing, let's get you dried off so you don't get cold."

Deanna looked at me as I cast my eyes to the floor.

"You can see her heart almost through her skin."

I nodded my head solemnly. This wasn't easy for me.

"She was born with two ribs missing on the left side of her chest. Genetic birth defect. So that is why you can see her heart."

Deanna gripped my hand as the simulation continued.

"Did her mother come and be with her?"

I shook my head no.

"No. By this point she had boarded a passing starship to look for her husband who was a Lieutenant on a medical ship at the edge of the Gamma Quadrant. A Lieutenant Michael Iveson."

I faced myself and Megan, now it was nearing the end of the simulation. I sighed again, this was the hardest part of the memory for me. But I had to face it. I heard my voice crack in the simulation.

"It's ok Megan, just go to sleep. Mommy and daddy will be here soon."

Deanna looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Did Megan's parents make it to her in time?"

Shaking my head no, I watched the simulation as both her parents came into the room. I was still sitting in the chair.

"They came five minutes after she passed. She just looked like she was asleep. I guess I just never really let it go that I couldn't save her. She lived for five months! She had her whole life ahead of her! I thought if I could prolong her life with pain medication, I knew it was hopeless. Bye Megan."

I hastily wiped away the tears and nodded my head at Deanna.

"Thank-you Deanna. I feel better now. I've been carrying this emotional baggage around for almost 11 years."

She smiled at me and nodded her own head.

"I'm glad I could help Will. I take that back, _you _were my hardest case. Megan was a beautiful child."

I knew that now this was past, I would sleep better tonight.

* * *

August 19th, 2370

"I'm sorry to wake you commander, but there is something I think you should see in Sickbay right away."

I shook my head to clear my foggy mind of sleep. _Why would Doctor Crusher want to see me? Especially at 3 a.m.? _

"Alright doctor, I'm on my way."

When I entered sickbay, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"There is no way this can be right."

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what do you guys think? Let me know! Thanks!


	4. Unfair Second Chances

**Chapter 4: Unfair Second Chances**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 11/10/13. Date Finished: 11/11/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

August 19th, 2370 03:40 a.m.

This really was an unfair second chance. Swallowing I watched as Doctor Crusher examined a baby who looked like Megan.

"Where did she come from Doctor?"

She had to be some sort of ghost. I slowly and carefully approached the bio bed. Squirming and crying at the top of her lungs, I saw a note attached to the yellow blanket wrapped around her body. I detached the note and read it aloud.

"_This is your second chance Riker. You have 36 hours to solve this puzzle. Though I doubt you will find anything with that miniscule human brain of yours. All my love, Q."_

I gritted my teeth and threw the piece of paper off to the side.

"What does Q mean Will? Second chance for what?"

I sat down on another bio-bed close to the one Beverly was examining Megan on.

"By all accounts doctor, this baby died almost 11 years ago. You'll find her name in the medical records database."

Doctor Crusher nodded her head and spoke to the computer.

"Computer, could you pull up records for a baby born 10.5 years ago on stardate 326578.4?"

I knew that my face must be pale but I pushed the feeling of fear away and gave a small smile at Megan's squirming form on the bed.

"You were always so squirmy. Come here."

I took Megan up in my arms and traced her small nose. The computer chimed and answered Doctor Crusher's request.

"Megan Jorgenson. Weighing 6lbs 8oz. 21 centimeters long. Born to Lieutenant Jessica Jorgenson and Lieutenant Michael Iveson. Doctor's on-call for delivery: Doctor Eric Sartos and William T. Riker."

Beverly looked at me questioningly. Sighing, I rocked Megan a little.

"If you're listed as Megan's doctor in the medical records database, why isn't this particular event logged into your service record?"

I turned my attention to Beverly.

"I stored it in a personal video log entry the day it happened. My service record does reflect that. It's a footnote on the bottom. I interned with Doctor Sartos for a year and six months. I found joy in what I did, in helping others, but after Megan slipped away, I turned away from that. So I started looking for ships that would take me on so that I could eventually land a command position. I delivered Megan myself. She was a breech baby, but she came out alright. She does have an enlarged heart and was born with two missing ribs on the top left."

We both turned when we heard Q's laugh. I held Megan closer to me, though I knew he could snatch her away in an instant.

"Well Riker, aren't you happy with the gift I've given you? I've given you a second chance to save this child. She'd be remarkable if she were a Q. But she hasn't the brain to be one. Humans are so limited in their perception of time and space. You now have 36 hours and two minutes to save this child. If you and the good doctor here save the child, you can keep her yourself Riker. But if you don't save her, she will die of something worse than before."

With the blink of an eye, Q was gone once again. Talk about pressure. Megan squirmed in my arms and let out an angry cry.

"She always got angry when she was hungry."

Beverly smiled and handed me a bottle. Sitting down on the bio bed, I started feeding Megan. She was always happiest when she ate. I turned my attention to the computer.

"Computer, are Megan Jorgenson's parents on assignment in the Gamma quadrant?"

A few beeps later, the computer came back with a response.

"Negative. Lieutenant Jessica Jorgenson was killed on stardate 326599.5 in a Jeffries tube on the U.S.S London when an EPS conduit malfunctioned. Lieutenant Michael Iveson was killed on stardate 326602.1 of an unknown virus on Veeloz 10. Megan Jorgenson has no living relatives."

I sighed and looked back down at Megan. She was drifting off to sleep. Beverly snapped me out of my reverie.

"We should weigh her. Just to compare to her birth weight. What did you give her for pain?"

I shook my head, it was such a long time ago.

"I don't remember. The dosages and what I gave her are in her medical records. It was a long time ago. There's a lot of things I've forgotten since that time."

Doctor Crusher nodded her head and carefully took Megan from my arms.

"Ok, there we go. She's a happy little girl. I've already informed the captain of our situation. He's already on his way."

I took in a breath and then let it out.

"How are we going to explain this one?"

Megan was asleep, she always looked very peaceful. My smile grew. She'd won my heart from the day I brought her into the world. Beverly looked at me and spoke.

"We tell him the truth."

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Let me know! Thanks!


	5. Making Things Right

**Chapter 5: Making things Right**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 11/13/13. Date Finished: 11/14/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

August 19th, 2370 03:45 a.m.

"So number one, this is the green-eyed beauty that won your heart almost eleven years ago. Down to business shall we? What are Q's demands?"

I straightened out my uniform shirt and nodded my head.

"Captain, Q said that we have 36 hours to save her life. Megan was born with an enlarged heart and two missing ribs on the top left of her ribcage. The enlarged heart we can fix, we just have to get to starbase 679 to get her a new one. We can't do anything about her ribs though. I don't see why Q would put me through this again. She was dead! I remember, she died in my arms on stardate 326544.3. I signed her death certificate. If I could save her things would be better."

Captain Picard nodded his head.

"Alright number one, I'll tell Ensign Crusher to set a course for starbase 679 immediately. Let me know if her condition changes."

I sat back down on the bio bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. My eyes lit up when Deanna walked into the room.

"Let me guess Will, can't sleep?"

I shook my head and pointed to Doctor Crusher.

"I was asleep Deanna. Doctor Crusher woke me to say there was a visitor here waiting for me."

Deanna furrowed her eyebrows together in thought. Then her gaze dropped to Megan asleep on the bed next to me.

"Beverly, I wasn't aware there was a new child on this ship. Did her parents come aboard on the last crew rotation?"

I watched Beverly shake her head no.

"No. Deanna, this is Megan Jorgenson. Q brought her here so that I could save her. We're on our way to starbase 679 to get her a new heart now. Megan has no family. She is quite fond of Will though."

I froze as I saw Megan's face scrunch up and she belted out a strong cry.

"Someone needs their diaper changed. Doctor look at this, her navel is still irritated, all the markings are in the same exact spot that I used the laser scalpel to separate the umbilical cord. Megan is brand new."

Beverly queried the computer once again.

"Computer, how old is Megan Jorgenson?"

The computer chimed a few times before answering.

"2 minutes and 5 seconds."

I had wrapped Megan back up in the yellow blanket she'd been brought here in. It was the same one I'd wrapped her in all those years ago.

"Well, well little Miss Megan, looks like you have those baby blues back. Now we match."

Deanna looked at me and smiled.

"So, Will, I thought you said her eyes were green?"

I shook my head no and watched as Megan closed her eyes and went back to sleep after a few minutes.

"Her eyes didn't turn green until she was 2 months old. She's a fighter this one."

I felt like I was reliving a miracle. Megan held a special place in my heart. She wasn't my own, and yet I felt a certain tug at my heart. Paternal instinct maybe, but I'd never felt such a strong bond with a child before. Megan was the only one. Deanna's voice drifted into my ears.

"If you were her father, you'd have a strong paternal bond with her. Something that's hard to break between a parent and a child. Since the captain won't need me on the bridge until after we resume our course to Risa for some shore leave, I'll be your emotional stronghold."

Beverly had gone into her office to enter some data into her computer.

"I can always count on my Imzadi to be my pillar of strength."

Deanna made my smile grow as I saw her pick Megan up carefully in her arms. Megan snuggled closer to her. Her cooing sounded happy.

"I think I've just made a new friend. Megan Jorgenson, welcome to the Enterprise."

I smiled at how happy Megan was. I'd wished her mother had spent more time with her.

"Megan seems to like you. You are the first woman she's been in contact besides Doctor Crusher. You must have a similar smell to her mother. She goes by smell and sound since her eyes aren't able to focus on any one object. She'll be able to open her eyes in three weeks."

Megan was grabbing tufts of Deanna's long dark brown curls.

"She must like the jasmine shampoo I use in my hair. You don't think she thinks I'm her mother do you?"

I shook my head. It wasn't the same.

"Her mother had long, straight brown hair. She kept it in a long braid when she did visit. Megan was really missing the mother/daughter bonding time. Her mother was there so little, she was breastfed infrequently. That was when her mother started to pump her milk so that Megan had something to eat. Jessica wanted to be there, but she was so busy trying to find Megan's father that they came too late. Five months, and her bond was stronger with me than it was with either of her parents. I was her caregiver."

I had a feeling that Megan was already creating a bond with Deanna. Beverly came over with her tricorder and began scanning her. Megan began to fuss, I didn't like hearing her 'I'm hurt' cry. It was always disheartening to hear her cry like that.

"She's in pain again. I'll give her another small dosage of a pain reliever. You say that she had two seizures before?"

I nodded my head yes as I saw her give Megan the much needed medication.

"Yes, but they were both unrelated to each other. I found no connection. No evidence of Epilepsy."

Megan's eyes fluttered and she stuck her hand in her mouth and sucked on it. Beverly smiled and watched her sleep.

"For this little angel's sake, we'd better get to starbase 679 soon, or we're going to lose her."

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? I decided to change the ending. This one turned out much better. Let me know what you think! Thanks!


	6. Consequences and Actions to correct Them

**Chapter 6: Consequences and Actions to correct Them**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 11/15/13. Date Finished: 11/17/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

August 19th, 2370 05:55 a.m.

"I don't know how much longer Megan's heart will last. She's on the verge of cardiac arrest. She's having difficulty breathing. I'll give her something to help her breathe."

I was trying to be brave, but I felt like I was failing Megan again. I'd thought that I'd put this behind me, but Q was forcing me to relive this over again. I placed a kiss on her tiny forehead.

"This happened to her twice towards the end. I could not do a thing for her, but make her more comfortable and give something for the pain. She stabilized both times, but she'd already had more fluid surrounding her heart than when she was born. It'd been accumulating each month. Her organs started failing one by one and then one day she just closed her eye and looked as if she fell asleep. You cannot ask me to go through that again. Q HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!?"

Beverly nodded her head and contacted the captain.

"Captain, this is Doctor Crusher, how far out from starbase 679 are we?"

I stayed quiet as Captain Picard answered.

"About 6 light-years. How is the baby?"

I swallowed back the tears that were forming in my eyes. I felt Deanna's hands on my shoulders.

"Not good captain. She's on the verge of cardiac arrest, and some of her organs are starting to fail. Commander Riker says this is what started happening about a week before she died. Then one day Megan just closed her eyes and looked as if she were sleeping. We have to hurry captain, she has 2 hours maybe less. Time is not on this little girl's side."

Swallowing once again, I heard Wesley's voice over the COMM.

"Mom, I hope that you can save Megan. Every child should be able to live a long and healthy life."

Once the COMM link was closed I looked to Megan and let the tears flow for a minute.

"Please don't go Megan. You are like a daughter to me. Please don't leave me…"

Beverly left Deanna and I alone with Megan for a few minutes while I regained my composure. Deanna looked me in the eye as I picked Megan up.

"It's alright Imzadi, I'm here. It's ok to let it all out. You've been holding all this emotion in for too long. Let it out. It'll make you feel better."

I let the flood gates go, I wasn't normally one to cry so much, but this was eating away at me. Megan was grabbing for pieces of my uniform shirt.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you the first time… I did everything I could for you, but it just wasn't enough… I never left you because I didn't want you to go alone. I lost my own mother when I was very young, and my father didn't care enough to be there for me…"

I kissed Megan's forehead again. I managed to wipe the tears away and give Megan a smile.

"You are her surrogate father Will. Megan adores you. She likes the strong and gentleness of your arms."

I shook my head. Megan was a wonder. I looked into Deanna's beautiful brown orbs and gave her half a smile.

"My mind keeps going back to the day she was born. It took me six tries, with the help of Doctor Sartos, to get Megan turned around so that she was head first. She was trying to come out of her mother back-first. I remember reading some horror stories from the early 20th century about how some doctors in hospitals weren't trained very well and some babies would come out of their mother's womb and hit the floor. I found their practices to be disgusting to say the least. These babies had brain damage, some beyond help. I guess that's why Jessica was worried that her baby would fall on the floor. She'd told me it'd happened when her great-great-great-great-great grandmother was born. I'm glad humans have long moved on from that barbarity."

I saw Deanna shudder and then rub my shoulders.

"Makes my skin crawl. How could doctors five centuries ago be so negligent?"

I shrugged my shoulders and placed Megan's arm back into the blanket.

"Doctors were still performing Lobotomies on patients until the mid-21st century. Until they outlawed the practice, calling it unconstitutional on any human being. They considered it Medicine. I consider the practice itself insanity. I remember after Megan passed, Doctor Sartos asked me to deliver another baby. I agreed, thinking that if I brought another life into the world, it would make the hurt of losing Megan sting less…"

Beverly was in the doorway to her office listening to my conversation with Deanna.

"…And then what happened Will?"

I sighed and ran a hand over my face, looking down at Megan. She was again nodding off.

"I did go through with it. Huh, a set of triplets. That was work, I'll tell ya. The woman, her name escapes me now, she insisted that she deliver naturally. The first one out of the gate was a girl, come to think of it, all three were girls. Anyways, after a lot of tugging and 16 hours of grunt work, the first girl was out, she had the most powerful set of lungs I ever heard. I'd thought Megan's were strong, but the way this little girl cried, it was like she'd been a yodeler in her last life. The second one out the gate sounded the same, only took four hours less to deliver. Then there was the last one… It took three of us to get her out, me, Doctor Sartos and another doctor. We don't know what happened, but the last little girl that was born, she was still-born. I've never told anyone this. I went over the information for years trying to figure out the cause. The three of them got the proper nutrients and nourishment. After failing Megan and Hope, that was what her mother called her, I requested a transfer to a passing starship. As far as I was concerned I'd made two fatal errors, so in fact I was unfit to practice Medicine. I've struggled with this for years, but carefully concealing it in the back of my mind, going about my day to day business. That is until Megan showed up today."

Beverly gave me a sad smile and squeezed my shoulder.

"It's not your fault that Hope was still-born. It could've been any number of things. Sometimes these things happen to babies. If you ask me, and this is just my opinion Will, you made a pretty good doctor. Things like this, always make a doctor stronger. I'll tell you this, it doesn't get any easier when you lose a patient. You just have to develop a tough skin. Megan haunts you, there is one baby that haunts me too, time and again. A little girl named Lucy. She was born our first year on the Enterprise, I must have worked on her for over an hour. She came out of her mother with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. That image haunts me now and again. But you go on with life and save the one's you can save. Dozens of babies have been born on this ship. All of them healthy. That's how I know I'm succeeding in my job. But it doesn't come without failure. You learn from your mistakes. I'd have to say Will, working almost two years for Starfleet Medical, delivering 4 babies is a big achievement. When I was there, we were only allowed to deliver one a year. You are the strongest man I've ever known. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. Megan is here isn't she? We can save her."

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think! Let me know! Thanks!


	7. A New Heart

**Chapter 7: A New Heart**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 11/22/13. Date Finished: 11/23/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

August 19th, 2370 09:55 a.m.

"Commander, do you know anything about surgery?"

I shook my head no and watched as Megan went to sleep. The sedative was setting in.

"Surgery wasn't my specialty doctor. I was only called in when a baby was being born. I guess you could say, babies are all I know. _Knew _anyways."

I was here more as support for her than actually assisting. Megan wasn't breathing normally. I shook my head.

"Her oxygen levels are fluctuating. We should up her levels to 10 percent."

Beverly looked at me seriously.

"Are you sure 10 percent isn't too much? I don't want to flood her lungs with fluid."

I knew that 10 percent was enough to stabilize her.

"10 percent will work doctor. I took care of her for five months, and that percentage was just the right one to stabilize her. Do whatever's necessary to stabilize her doctor, my say-so doesn't mean anything here. You are the licensed doctor in the room, not me."

She put a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll take any options and word of advice you give me Will. As far as I'm concerned, I consider you another doctor, just not in this specific area. Just because you never finished your training under Doctor Sartos, doesn't mean that you don't know what you're doing. So, options?"

I drew in a breath and let it out.

"What's her heart rate? Is it within the normal range?"

Doctor Crusher nodded her head, but didn't sound sure.

"Holding at 70 beats per minute. Any lower and we're in trouble. I've got her on by-pass. Her oxygen has leveled out."

I nodded my head and thought for a minute.

"Ok, how is she on by-pass? Is she stable?"

Beverly nodded her head again.

"She's stabilized. But at the rate of fluid surrounding her heart, it will give out in the next thirty minutes. She will be stable on by-pass until we can integrate the new heart into her body. And you said you aren't worthy to be a doctor commander. You still ask questions as if you are still one. I need a third set of hands to help me, how handy are you with a laser scalpel?"

I swallowed and watched Megan sleep for a moment.

"Uh, heh, does removing a gallbladder count?"

The other three doctors in the room nodded their heads.

"Of course it does commander. Even if surgery wasn't your specialty, at least you know how to perform it. We'll walk you through the steps, and help you. We're all in this together."

Swallowing again, I watched as Beverly made the first incision. Shaking my head, I could see Megan's heart.

"Looks the same. Her heart is like a ticking time bomb. You can literally see the fluid filling her heart. It's flooding her heart. Some of these ventricles are almost completely shut. No wonder her blood pressure keeps fluctuating. I never saw that before. We'll have to start with that ventricle on the far left, and work our way around the heart. Doctor Crusher how long can she last on by-pass?"

A serious look crossed her face.

"She can last awhile. Maybe an hour or two, but no more than that. Her new heart needs to be integrated into her body soon. We should start with the far left closed ventricle. Easy with the laser scalpel."

I was nervous, but managed a steady hand. The smell from the laser always smelled awful.

"Ok, almost half-way. Four ventricles to sever before the mid-line point. Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?"

A nurse wiped my forehead and I nodded my thanks. Beverly looked at me and slid over a chair.

"Will, you can do this sitting down. Your blood pressure is elevated slightly because you're nervous. Think of how healthy Megan will be once she has this new heart. She'll be able to live a normal and happy life."

I nodded my head and went back to my task at hand. I was sweating a little less now, and I didn't feel as hot as I did a few minutes ago. I found that I had completed my task. I stared at Megan's old heart now sitting on a tray a few feet away from me. It looked like it was going to burst. So much fluid had overflown it. It was another three hours before Doctor Crusher and I had Megan's new heart attached and integrated into her body. I put the second laser scalpel down onto another tray.

"I'll let you close doctor. Brings back too many bad memories. You can't imagine how hard it was to perform the autopsy on her, the first time she passed away, her parents insisted I perform one. Even though I knew the exact cause of her death. Now what do we do?"

A small smile spread across her face.

"Megan's a fighter, she's strong. I'm sure that her body will accept her new heart."

I sighed, the hard part was over. Megan was now asleep in an incubator across the room. Q came suddenly, in a flash of light. Clapping loudly as he did.

"Well Riker, I didn't believe you and the lovely doctor here could pull it off. But alas, I underestimated you. Our bargain still stands: you may keep the little tyke, raise her as your own. Or whatever. Gives you a chance to show off your skills as a new daddy. Congratulations Riker, it's a bouncing baby girl for you."

As quickly as he came, he disappeared. I knew it wasn't the last time I was seeing him.

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Let me know! Thanks!


	8. First Steps

**Chapter 8: First Steps**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 12/5/13. Date Finished: 12/6/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

August 16th, 2371

"Come on Megan, come to daddy."

The chime rang inside my quarters and I called out to whomever was on the other side.

"Come in."

Captain Picard came through my doorway and nodded his head seriously.

"Oh, I see I've come at a bad time number one. I'll come back later."

I shook my head no at the captain and watched as Megan's little legs propelled her towards me. Once she reached my arms, I scooped her up.

"Dada."

I looked at Megan and laughed a little.

"Daddy is very proud of you sweetheart. You just took your first steps all by yourself."

She was playing with my beard. I giggled and then straightened out momentarily so that I could speak to the captain.

"You wanted to see me sir?"

Captain Picard shook his head no once more.

"It's nothing that can't wait. Just a little recreation on the holodeck. I was hoping that you would join me for some horseback riding in the Andes. Seeing a child take his or her first step is an important part of life."

Megan began to fuss in my arms.

"Now that this little bundle of energy knows how to walk, I'll have to baby-proof my quarters. Her birth was the most remarkable thing I'd ever experienced. She was so red when she came out of her mother. A powerful set of lungs on her and a strong will to live. She was in so much pain the first time I took care of her. Now, thanks to her new heart, she's living the life she should have lived anyways."

Megan's face lit up when the chime went off again.

"Come in."

She got all squirmy when she saw it was Deanna. I put her down on the ground and watched her wobbly legs as they carried her to Deanna.

"Mama."

I shook my head no and got down on one knee to Megan's level.

"No sweetie, not mama. Deanna."

Megan didn't understand even when Deanna picked her up.

"Mama."

Sensing an awkward moment, the captain gave a small smile.

"Let me know if you would like to join me on the holodeck number one."

I nodded my head and watched him go.

"I'll get back to you on that captain."

When he'd left, I looked to Deanna who was playing peek-a-boo with Megan.

"Where's Megan? There she is!"

Megan's laugh warmed my heart.

"We have to break her of that habit Deanna. It's because we're together all the time."

Deanna only smiled at me and placed Megan on the floor. Megan made her way back towards me as Deanna placed a hand against my face.

"Will, I don't see any harm in her calling me that. Besides, we can teach her my name. She's a very intelligent child."

I smiled down at Megan's happy face as she lifted her hands up towards me.

"Dada, up."

Picking her up, I watched as she played with my beard again.

"My little sunshine always wakes up with a smile on her face."

Megan's happy laugh made me feel good on the inside. Raising her was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Deanna ran a finger along Megan's marble white cheek and she lit up again.

"Mama. Up."

Deanna looked at me and the smile went all the way up to her eyes.

"I've got an idea, let's go for a walk out in the corridor. It'll give Megan some room to use her newfound mobility. When did she start walking anyways?"

A toothy smile spread across my face.

"I wished you'd been here Imzadi. I was sitting in the chair at the table and Megan just stood up and took a couple of steps, and before I knew it, her little legs carried her across the room and propelled her into my arms."

Megan began to fuss in Deanna's arms, so she set her on the ground and she started for the door. The two of us each grabbed for a hand and went out into the hallway.

"Dada, Mama, go."

Megan's little fingers on her left hand wrapped around my index finger. While the others held onto Deanna's left. My smile stayed even after Data approached us from a few feet away.

"Sir, here are the weekly security reports. Parental bonding, eludes me. I have noticed that you and Counselor Troi are attempting to coax the child to walk."

I laughed and clapped Data on the shoulder.

"Megan already knows how to walk. Deanna and I are helping her stretch her legs."

Data looked like he was computing my answer into his posotronic brain.

"Ah. I see. Since I have never been an infant or toddler, I did not learn how to walk. I was activated with the knowledge of knowing how to walk deeply embedded into my memory core."

I put the pad with the security reports under my left arm pit and looked down at Megan. She was my little sunshine in any universe.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Sorry this isn't longer, I've come down with a mild cold. I'll try to update when I can.


	9. Trouble

**Chapter 9: Trouble **

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 12/21/13. Date Finished: 12/29/13. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

"Lieutenant Sarnon to Commander Riker."

I looked up at the ceiling as I spoke to the woman on the other end of the COMM link.

"Riker here. What is it Lieutenant? Is Megan alright?"

I could hear apprehension in her voice.

"No, Megan's missing from the nursery sir. We've looked everywhere here."

A pit in my stomach began to form. Could someone have taken her? If so, who? Everyone I knew on this ship was honest, they wouldn't take a child. I quickly vacated my seat to the right of Captain Picard and started to proceed towards the turbolift. But then I saw her, Megan was lying on the floor in the walkway. For a moment, I couldn't breathe. My mind was on auto-pilot as I scooped Megan into my arms. Swallowing the lump in my throat I called Sickbay.

"Bridge to Sickbay, medical emergency!"

I heard Beverly's voice over the link.

"On my way commander."

She was blue. Beverly was quick to get to the bridge. The lump in my throat seemed to get bigger as she told me to set Megan on the floor.

"Her airway is obstructed by something. What did she put in her mouth?"

I shook my head, trying to will the lump in my throat to go away.

"I don't know. I just found her lying right here. Lieutenant Sarnon reported her missing from the nursery not 20 minutes ago."

Swallowing once again I watched as Beverly pulled something small and round from Megan's mouth.

"A three-century old copper penny. Now how did that get in there? And two long pieces of a popped balloon. Where did she get ahold of these things?"

I didn't know, but I intended to find out. I watched as Megan's face began to pink-up and she took in a breath and began to cry. Captain Picard was the first to speak up.

"Number one, I think in light of what's happened you should take the rest of the day off."

I nodded my head and followed Doctor Crusher and the nurses into the turbo lift. Megan was clingy. Understandable after what she'd just been through. Shaking my head, I turned to Beverly next to me.

"I was a doctor once. You'd think I would've remembered the signs of an obstructed airway. One of the first things they teach you in medical school. Remember those set of triplets I told you I delivered about 11 years ago? Turns out that the third little girl was alive until about a week before her mother went into labor, she threw a blood clot in her lung. Why do we remember the bad stuff, and forget the good memories?"

Some of the nurses in the turbolift with us raised their eyebrows at me. I only played it down.

"I was a doctor-in-training at Starfleet Medical 11 years ago, for almost two years. Four children, two loses. Megan and Hope. But Megan has been scratched off the list of my failures as a physician seeing as she's here, alive today. Hope on the other hand can never come back."

Megan looked at me with teary eyes and clung to me.

"Dada. Dada"

I kissed her forehead and watched as she lay her head on my shoulder, closing her eyes.

"It's ok Megan. Daddy's here. Everything's going to be alright now."

She was trying to burrow herself into my uniform shirt. I could hear a faint rattling in her chest. My eyes grew big and I looked to Beverly.

"Do you think she could've aspirated a piece of that balloon into her lung?"

I could tell the thought had occurred to her, but, she was looking for a definitive deciding factor to support what I knew.

"We'll have to get her back to Sickbay to run more tests. If it does turn out that she accidently aspirated some of that balloon into her lung, we'll have to perform surgery immediately."

Megan opened up her eyes and peered into my own. There was fear behind her eyes. She reached up her tiny hand towards my face and started to cry.

"Dada, owie."

I kissed her forehead once more and nodded my head.

"I know baby girl. We'll make you all better soon."

It wasn't long before we reached Sickbay. Megan was crying more now as Doctor Crusher took her from my arms and lie her down on the bio-bed.

"Dada!"

Beverly did her best to calm her, making shushing noises. Megan grabbed for my index finger and held onto it tight.

"Shh, shh. We're going to make you feel all better."

Megan kept crying, I was trying to keep her attention by making funny faces at her.

"Megan sweetie, look at daddy."

I saw her eyes roll to the back of her head and her body go limp on the bio-bed. I wracked my brain for the answer to what could have happened to her. There was nothing wrong with her heart, so I could rule that out. I checked her femoral pulse, it was strong, and so I knew she was alive.

"Doctor, Megan's unconscious."

Beverly nodded her head and pulled up an image of Megan's left lung on the computer screen against the wall.  
"This is why she lost consciousness Will: there is a piece of balloon in her left lung. We have to get it out of her immediately before it can break off and enter her blood stream."

Deanna came into Sickbay with a worried look on her face.

"Will, what happened to Megan?"

I grabbed for her hand as my left stroked Megan's downy soft hair on her head.

"Megan aspirated a piece of balloon into her left lung. Somehow she got onto the bridge from the nursery. Lieutenant Sarnon informed me she was missing right before she showed up on the bridge. Beverly removed two pieces of popped balloon and a three-century old copper penny from Earth lodged in her airway. We're looking into how she got her hands on these things."

It was hard to watch her like this, but I knew that Beverly could fix Megan. I looked to her for confirmation.

"Do you think Megan should be on 5% oxygen or is she sating on room-air ok?"

I didn't like the way her color was looking.

"5 percent would be a good idea Will. I don't like the way she looks color-wise. She's starting to sound Apneic. Now, would you like to assist me in getting the balloon out of her lung, or would you like to just observe? It's your choice."

I shook my head and watched as one of the nurse's placed a device to regulate her breathing onto her chest.

"I'd like to just observe this time. Thanks though. A heart transplant is one thing, it's like removing a gallbladder, doesn't bother me. C-sections don't bother me either, and let me tell you, I performed two of those, and each one was different. But something as vital as a pair of lungs, I don't know what it is, but something about it bothers me."

Beverly gave me a warm smile and continued her scans for a moment on Megan.

"Again I say this: you made such a good doctor, why'd you leave? Sounds to me like you were turning into a fine OBGYN. Not every doctor is cut-out for surgery. Which is fine. We all have our strengths. You founds yours in delivering babies. Your second strength, and it suits you, to be a starship captain. You know, you can do both things. If you're up to it, on your days off maybe a couple of days a week, I could use an extra set of hands around here. What do you say?"

I looked at Beverly with a smile.

"Well, it'll be like retracing your steps of something you haven't done in a long time, or it'll be like putting on a favorite pair of shoes you haven't worn in 11 years. I'd love to. I will warn you, there are two or three areas I'm not really proficient in. Surgery being the obvious one. C-sections are exempt. Those aren't hard. Down to business. Is Megan sedated?"

Beverly nodded her head yes.

"Yes, she's sedated. You and Deanna can stay up by her head. I'll have Alyssa monitor her vitals. The two of you are more than welcome to talk to her during the procedure. It's best if she hears familiar voices."

Though I was nervous about this surgery, I was curious about it. My left index finger in Megan's hand I took a peek around the barrier blocking my view. I still disliked the smell the laser scalpel emitted on flesh. Resisting the urge to scrunch up my nose, I watched Beverly and her practiced surgeon's hand. How could she be so steady with that laser scalpel? I hadn't noticed I'd been holding my breath until I saw it, the piece of balloon that was in her left lung. Beverly's voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Extracting the foreign object."

The piece of blue balloon was slightly discolored. Beverly placed it on a tray and went back in to make sure that there were no other bits of balloon left. I sighed in relief when she shook her head no at me

"Thank god."

I went back up by Megan's head and placed a kiss to her forehead. Her color was already returning to normal.

"Daddy is here Megan. Everything is going to be fine now."

I looked to Deanna who smiled at me and then down at Megan.

"I'm here Megan. Mama's right here."

Megan had grown attached to Deanna. She thinks that she is her mother. Deanna had been there every day with me as Megan experienced a lot of her firsts. I felt like we were raising her together, and we weren't even married.

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Let me know! Thanks!


	10. The Truth

**Chapter 10: The Truth**

Author: ZeusFluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek characters. But I do own: Megan. Date Started: 12/31/13. Date Finished: 1/1/14. Hope you will all enjoy! Thanks!

* * *

Walking through the doors to the nursery on deck 6 I found Lieutenant Sarnon putting one of the toddlers down for a nap. I waited for her to turn around as I held out my hand to show her what Megan had ingested.

"Lieutenant Sarnon. Megan has been found and is safe in Sickbay. There is something I'd like to show you. Have you any idea how she could've ingested two pieces of blue popped balloon and a three century old copper penny from Earth?"

Her face paled and she glanced down at the pieces of balloon and the penny in my left hand.

"S-she was playing with a balloon. It's Jason Abernathy's birthday today, so the other teachers and I, we thought it might be fun for the children if we decorated with balloons. I thought it'd be ok to give Megan one to play with. She was really interested in the colors. One must have popped, and since she's still teething, she needed something to soothe her gums. She must have stuck it in her mouth when I turned away. I'm not exactly sure where she found the copper penny. Is Megan really alright?"

I frowned and crossed my arms. I was not happy with her. Prevention was key to running Primary care smoothly.

"No, she's not alright. Doctor Crusher and I just performed surgery on her to get a piece of this balloon out of her lung. Another piece broke off and she aspirated it into her lung. She could've died Lieutenant! As of this moment Lieutenant, as First Officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise, I am putting you on probation for the next 6 months and you are being demoted to the rank of Ensign. For serious lack of judgment. How many other teachers are working in here with you?"

Lieutenant Sarnon looked at me seriously in the eye.

"Uh, four sir, including me."

I nodded my head seriously and watched as she motioned to the other three teachers in the room. They all stood at attention for me.

"Name and rank. Each of you separately."

The smallest of the three stood forward.

"Lieutenant Erin Markinson sir. Junior grade. It was my idea sir to put balloons up. I suppose we could've used something along the lines of holographic balloons."

I nodded my head, my lips pressed firm in a thin grim line.

"Lieutenant Sara Marlinton sir. Junior grade, and the copper penny was mine sir. I should've never brought it here with me. We were only talking about how money didn't exist anymore and how intricate coin-money used to be. It must have fallen out of my pocket sir."

I looked to the last teacher, she was looking down at the ground, and would not make eye contact with me. She was much younger than her other three counterparts. She couldn't have been older than 18 at least.

"Lieutenant Jessica Sarlinson sir. Junior grade. I replicated the balloons sir. Please give us a chance to prove it to you that this will never happen again."

I shook my head no and paced the room for a minute.

"The four of you put Megan's life in Mortal danger, and when you turned away, she managed to wander five decks up to the bridge? Who was watching Megan when she left the nursery?"

Lieutenant Sarnon raised her hand and stepped forward.

"Me sir. I take full responsibility for losing sight of Megan and for her accidently ingesting the balloon."

The four of them nodded seriously, each giving me their pips. One solid pip from Lieutenant Sarnon's uniform collar and three black ones from the other junior officers.

"All four of you are on probation for the next six months, and as of this moment, you are suspended for the next three weeks. I already informed the other four teachers who have the day off that they are needed at their post, to relieve you."

All four of them nodded their heads as the new set of teachers came into the room and relieved them. I shook my head and walked slowly back to the turbolift. When I reached Sickbay, I sank into the bio-bed next to Megan's. She was still asleep. Deanna had pulled up a chair next to her and was running a hand over Megan's soft hair.

"You made a tough decision Will. But the right one. They should've been watching Megan more carefully."

I shook my head and ran a hand over my face.

"I know, but I just demoted three Lieutenants down to the rank of Ensign. They have six months to prove they can earn their rank of Lieutenant back. I told them to review every piece of safety protocol and recite it back to me by weeks end. Harsh I know, but the safety of every member on this ship is vital."

I placed a kiss on Megan's forehead. Then I spoke once more.

"No doubt this is already the talk of the ship. This ship is like a small town after all, and everybody knows everybody."

I'd do anything to protect Megan, she was my family now. Her and Deanna were the most important things to me, besides protecting the captain.

To Be Continued…

A/N: So, what'd you guys think? Let me know! Thanks!


End file.
